Sisterhood and Gravity

Gravity on earth only works because it is neither too much nor too little. In the proper dose, gravity simultaneously keeps us from floating away and/or being squashed down to the earth helplessly. In that regard, love is a similar although unexpected cousin of gravity. The right kind of love keeps us both grounded but still moving forward. I am the only daughter to my parent’s, a daughter among all brothers. I loved having brothers. I loved the variety of our play, I loved that I learned how to play cup ball in the street and I learned how to aim a squirt gun with precision. I am not saying that I wouldn’t have learned those things had I had sisters but I can only speak from my experience of having all brothers and what that brought with being the only girl in a family. I remember wondering what a sister would be like- similarly to curly hair vs my very straight hair.

This is not to say that I haven’t experienced the love of sisterhood.

For some women, a sister is part of their birth family. For some it is their adopted family. For other’s their bonus or step family. For me, the sisterhood I have experienced has come from a few places. When I was a young girl, it came from a friend down the street. Baby dolls and barbies filled our days when we were young, then came along babysitting together, whispering about secret crushes, logging miles of walking each other home. It was a precious time of childhood friendship- and now years and years later, we ended up in another small town together 700 miles from where we met.

My brothers are all married to women and that introduced having a sisterhood of a new variety. I am also married to a man who has a sister so I have the privilege of both loving sisters-in-laws that my brothers have married as well as the sisterhood I married into. We share the honor of all having children and that part of sisterhood with them is a favorite of mine. We don’t all do things the same way but we all love our kids BIG! We love each other’s kids BIG as well. This sisterhood is so special because it is the crossing over of two family systems into an intricate tapestry of old and new, what was, what is and what will be.

But that’s not all. There are also our sisters that we share life experiences with because they too have felt the weight of similar heartache. I share a sisterhood with women who have had silently born babies. I share a sisterhood with women who have had miscarriages. I share a sisterhood with women who have struggled with postpartum depression. I share a sisterhood with women who have a child with a chronic illness. I have a sisterhood with women who grew up as the daughters of addiction.

But that’s not all. I have friends (that I lovingly refer to as Sister Girls) who I can call at 2 am and they can do the same with me. Sister Girls that I have loved on when they had cancer. Sister Girls who I have loved on when their spouse was ill. Sister Girls I have loved on when the rigors of motherhood made them crumble under the pressure of it all and reality feels out of reach. I have Sister Girls that I have loved when anxiety claws at them and threatens to steal their truth.

But that’s not all. I have a sisterhood with women who work in animal rescue (a cause near and dear to our hearts and our homeschooling mission) sisters that I have worked with to save an animal that a human has failed. A sisterhood of homeschooling women- all defending each other’s right to choose an education that works for our individual children. A sisterhood of women who have helped me dig my way out when the earth felt like it was swallowing me whole- who held me up- who straightened my crown.

Sisterhood. The definition of sisterhood says something about sharing a common trade. A trade defined as a skilled job. So what is it? What about these bonds of sisterhood is so unique to other relationships, how do we nurture that tie that builds our web of connection?

There is a system that wants the sisterhood to plateau- not fail because failure of us is a failure for society. They set up the competition when we are young though- homecoming queens, prom queens, beauty queens, top models, class mom, team mom, pinterest mom, working mom, stay at home mom, homeschooling mom. They give us the label to pin on our cardigans, our jean jackets, our fishnets, our flannel- and they remind us to stay put. But Sisters, within those labels we do not grow, we cannot, for our entire person cannot and should not live within the confines of that name tag. But the system gets scared. If we do not stay within our assigned stations, we could share our ideas, we could lend our strength- we could raise our voices.

Recently I was recollecting on the life of someone I shared a sisterhood with, who is no longer walking the grass of this earth. My heart ached, it twisted in my chest and felt like it wasn’t beating right. Grief hurts like that. And although I miss this sisterhood in the earthly sense, I will carry it with me all of my days. The truth is, we collect these sisterhoods throughout our entire lives. We adorn each other with the accessories of our knowledge, of our love, our encouragement, our joy, our sadness. We make each other’s lives a little softer- the edges a little more smoothed out. We help lift each other to not only see a better view but to live with a better view.

I was not a child who had any sisters born into my house but I am a grown woman who treasures the sisterhoods that have been born and will continue to be born into my heart now.